Create & Bea Blog

A day to cry & a day to sigh

I took a day to cry. 

Being a perfectionist, I expect nothing less than the best from myself. 

Sunday, I put a line of product… ew, no… not product, that sounds commercial and industrial and not time slaving, finger destroying homemade goods… 

Sunday, I put out a line of wares into the universe. And they were nice. They weren’t the best I could do. The glue didn’t work. The gloss wasn’t glossy. The logo wasn’t working right. 

I studied. I study everything. I research things until my phone dies. I researched every single step, watched several dozen YouTube videos and I was doing everything they way they said/ demonstrated. It wasn’t working. 

I spent 5 whole days on the process of these wares and I was so disgusted at myself on day 5, the day of the release. So I cried. 

I took a day to sigh. 

When the tears were done, I sighed. 

I had to sit myself down and have a little “Coming to Jesus” conversation. I had to be my own motivator and mentor. I had to realize that no, these weren’t the best thing I could have put out there. They WERE the BEST I could do with what I HAD to work with. If I had had more money, then the product would have been flawless. If I had had better supplies, it would have had a nicer finish. 

That’s a lie. 

I would have found something, some unprecievable flaw, something only I would notice, something the rest of the world wouldn’t be losing sleep over.

Bottom line, I did the absolute best I could with what I had at the time. Next time I will have an idea of what worked and what didn’t. I will know next time that I need to do this before that.  

I spent 5 days, day and night, working on this project. I enlisted the help of my co-conspirator and for hours we glued and we cut and we sprayed and we removed glue. We exhausted ourselves. 

In the end, I released a ware out into the world and hoped, believed, that someone would see the potential, the love and sacrifice that went into my wares and that that is what would cause them to appreciate it and purchase it. 

Because it is my photography, gah… my photography is my most closely guarded part of myself. It feels like walking naked in public. It feels like having your soul pinned down in a lab and examined by metal pins and lenses, by science not by humanity. It feels like giving people the innermost part of myself and allowing them to tell me what is wrong with how I see things. It is the ultimate death punch to the heart. 

And it is ok. If someone doesn’t like me, doesn’t like what I see, that is fine. Because there is someone out there that will see what I see and we will connect on a deeper level because they will know. 

I hope, pray and know that I’m not the only one over here singing a different tune, banging a different drum or taking photos upside down. 

That is all.

Later kids. Make good choices. 

This entry was published on June 27, 2017 at 2:52 am. It’s filed under Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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